Saturday, December 11, 2010


To My husband Kerry,
Today I realized just what unconditional love meant.
You put yourself aside and took a step back in time with me..
a step that made me realize I have a life with
you now. Granted, it is so different from the life I had before;
crazier, busy, all of those things that drive people apart.
But, much more meaningful. I have so many
faults. Things that I have carried over with me through the years.
And many times these things create strife and conflict.
I'm not meaning to take all blame for the problems
that arise in our life.We are all fallible.
But you make me see them.
How proud I was to have you at my side today.
You are my life.
I can make it without you..
But I Don't Want Too!


Sunset for my Kim Kim

This picture of a sunset is one my husband
posted for me;knowing how I love sunsets.
I cried when I saw it was posted on
his blog, and I had him post it
here for me.
I always say I love sunsets, and hope
we always see them together.



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

This Path I'm on

This Path I'm on

Well, I'm on a path to where…?
or am I on a pathless land as my
very wise husband says?

All I know is the very two incidences that
happened to me these past two days

have changed how I feel and
look at things in my life and career.
As I said before (how many times now?)

I feel my job is not a job…
but a calling.

Let me explain;

I have two full-time clients that I take care of.

Both different, but really the same.
One of my clients is a disabled
lady that is diabetic, and that had

brain cancer when she was eleven
years old; this has unfortunately affected

her all her life. Her balance,
memory, and gait is very unsteady

and uncertain. She has lived a life
that I can only stand in awe of. Her oldest son

died of brain cancer when
he was 35. She depends solely on her

husband for everything-
food, transportation etc...

Yet she always has a smile and a kind word for
everyone...even when she is in extreme pain.

She is a very devout lady-
and I call her My Shining Star.

Then two days ago she suffered a stroke
while I was sitting with her.

I called 911 and her husband who was at work-
they took her to the hospital where she is

now awaiting physical therapy-
and unfortunately a mass was found on her brain.

Hopefully, not cancer again.
Everyone commented on how calm
and strong I was-until I got home.
Then I fell apart. But I told my husband-
seeing the EMT's in action
awoke something in me...maybe?

Next my other client is a disabled lady
who suffers from post-polio syndrome.
She also is a very devout lady-but one with a
backbone of steel and fire in her spirit.
She has a husband who was the sole provider

until unfortunately he was laid
off from his job (don't you love America)

and then developed blood clots
that has prevented him from further working.

They have an awesome fourteen-year old son.
Now, my client is in extreme pain from the stress
of caring for her husband and son...

I had to take her to the E/R the
other day for a pain shot.

This is extremely rare for this lady...
she usually bears the pain well. But once again
as I was sitting in the E/R with this lady,
I felt a pull, a tugging in the direction of what?...

Now this lady and her family
are facing eviction due to not being able to pay their rent…
I so want to help, but can't find the way or the words…
I guess what I'm saying is this…

will I eventually become numb to this?
I hope not, but sometimes this job I love

takes all I have to give…
and unfortunately leaves nothing for myself…

And the husband that
I love so much, and deserves more than I have to give.
He is fighting his own battle (search kerry walker story) so am I…

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I wrote this one afternoon as I was sitting on the porch
at peace, and contemplating life and how
we tend to view this thing called love...

So you tell me I live in a world of Illusions.
That I truly do not see the real thing.Sadly,
I must agree with you.
But time has taught me a few things,
things that I am powerless over,
and things I can control.

Such as my love for you. As great as it is,
I know that I cannot project certain images upon it.
Like thinking we will be together forever. Since I don't believe in
forever ( I once thought I did) I just take one day
at a time with you.
I've learned that no love stays the same.
It changes with the times.
The good times and the bad.

Then there is mine and your happiness.
I have learned I can control my happiness,
and that I should not expect you to be responsible for it.
I cannot hold you prisoner to that thought.
Likewise, your happiness is your responsibility.
I'm not saying I do not want to make you happy. Not that at all.
I just don't want to be a prisoner of that thought either.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Living a Dream

Well, here we are in this small country town of Jasper, Tn.And what a journey it has been.But we're here and by the grace of God we'll be here for awhile. First of all I must say I am living this dream I have had for over 20 years .I was told by many people close to me that it would never happen..that's all it was.. a dream. But I never gave up and with many prayers, and the support of my family and coworkers who gave me outstanding references, it has come true. I always kept the faith..believing if God wants me here then it was to be. I'm employed by a large Home Healthcare Agency working with disabled individuals..and the things I have seen and learned! My clients are all struggling with some sort of disability, but never giving up..and I feel honored to be part of the support that helps them achieve these goals they set for themselves. As I said before in a previous Blog; this is not a job but a calling. Now I must take time to speak of my husband Kerry, who supported me and loved me unconditionally during this whole journey. He followed my dream; all the while fighting his own case (where he was falsely arrested for crimes he did not commit but were in fact committed against him; search kerry walker story) My husband recently had a big victory in court where he was granted the expungement of his criminal record stemming from his false arrest. I only hope and pray that I can return the love that Kerry and God have given giving back to them (and my clients) all that I can give. ..and continue to live my Dream.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

On love, life, work and so on..

First of all let me say I am one grateful human being for all the good things in my life I am married to the love of my
life Kerry Walker,and even though life intrudes sometimes (a lot!) I know we love each other deeply and we strive to keep things in perspective.
Secondly, on my job. Actually, it is not a job but a calling. I am a Certified Nursing Assistant with a major Home Health Agency and I work with physically disabled
clients. I have learned so many things from my clients..patience, acceptance, humility and most of all, an empathy I did not know I had. It can be both physically and emotionally demanding, and lots of times I come home empty inside having left all my emotions with my clients. I realize this cannot be good, and I am working on this. But the good outweighs the bad, and I am grateful these people are in my life.
Last, but not least, there is my life which is really summed up by the above mentioned things..and one thing I guess that keeps me going. That is my faith..not just the Christian faith, but the faith I have that no matter how bad things are, and when things look really bleak, there is a brighter day. Not to sound pollyanna, but that is what life has taught me..just stand out of the way, just BE, and let life roll on...